Oprah Winfrey passed away yesterday after a long battle with Lou Gehrig's disease - a disease that will probably get renamed.Millions of women worldwide saw Oprah as a beacon of hope, but all Oprah ever hoped for was bacon. Her television program, Oprah, opened the doors for women throughout America but they could not walk through the doorways due to obesity.
Her wealth and power grew greater in later years eventually leading her to the title of High Priestess of the Global Voodoo Council. This position allowed her access to the human psche, which she used to obtain the souls of her viewers and the Colonel's secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices.
Mrs. Winrey widely gained fame as a television host but it was not until 2012 when she launched the reality program Oprah vs Cobra which provided her with millions in ad revenue and snake bikes. She did manage to bite a few back but they only provided 1/10,000 of the daily nutritional requirements to fuel an Oprah.
Oprah was also responsible for the Hip Hop album about her iPhone Pap test application. The iPap App Rap went "triple plat."
Oprah's tomb lies deep within the Earth's crust as to not allow her soul to escape and attach itself to a host, like in the case of Ted Danson.
Mrs. Winfrey is survived by her husbands, Toots and the Maytals.
Poop.
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